wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
farters have to be the big spoon...
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize