I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i was born a porn star she said
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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