I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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