Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
