Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
