do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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