ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
