O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
