I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I made him laugh his dick is mine
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
