The maid of honor just puked.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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