when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
