I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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