yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
