I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
