I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
