fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
