Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Acid is not a monday night drug
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
