Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
