highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
