we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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