I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
