Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
