We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
