his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
