just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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