Don't make out with my wife yet
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
