I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
