just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
