i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
