my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
