Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
