Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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