just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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