I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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