Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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