Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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