When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
