well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize