Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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