An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
