I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize
