you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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