I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
