Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
