we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
