when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
