He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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