I puked a lego.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
