He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
