You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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