I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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