I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize