he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Just cropdusted the office
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
