If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
