it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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