hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
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