I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
did i just pee glitter
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
