I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
