take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
