Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
