I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
