So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize