Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize