I skipped work to stalk him.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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