I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
