Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
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