Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Is Oprah even human
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
