So drunk, too bad you don't want this
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
