i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
