Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
