I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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