I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
