How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
