Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
