I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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