Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
