after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
