i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
