just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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